kinda Unburdening

Going through a sense of fear transforming into utter helplessness and then love and again helplessness and love.
It is a struggle.
While touching the bundle of nerves hanging probably not wanting to get off the hook or just being caring enough to let go hoping not to be a trouble. It was sad.It still is.
Not our fault though and I know you know that.
We also know the void.Void made so evident because I saw you in different forms and many forms, I still see when it is dismal. Seeing it just disappear in the water while I cling for support who is wrecked but calm.Stroking the head and shoulder, every part in the body is in tune with all the senses of the heart, only heart and nothing else.
That was a moment so vivid and at the same time so brief that all one can do to keep it alive is going through that moment while lying on the bed looking out , talking, having a hot shower, having food, chatting with friends, prayers and many many more ways. Everyday.

The shreds, little fragments are a whole in itself and the shred made its presence felt for days, just to get me go on in life and giving me the chance to see.
I see everyday,yes, painful, but will have a moment and share it and keep it...the carefully held moments will enchain us together for life and after life if it exists.We live.

Logic can take its course later.
Instances can solace me later.
Thoughts can come later.